Important Changes
Important changes
When she arrives there is something that happens in you that
can only be described as mystical. It
happens in the part of you that catalogs and attends all of the other parts of
you… that part of you that is more than reason, but uses reason to know. It is that part that knows, but is more than knowledge. And it becomes something that you are now
clearly “aware” of. It becomes important. And with this attention to it, you are
changed.
A thousand little parts of you line up to attend to this
change. Some are physiological, perhaps
your adrenalin races or the tears flow.
Some are action oriented and you clean things or call others, “can they
come?” or “can you help in some way?”
Drive. It is a word often associated with people
that have changed. They are called
“driven” because they have a realigned understanding of needs and actions and
results. There are other action words
too, though. Change can “do” things to
you. We use these action words to
describe either the current state or how we got here. Concussed, deflated, demoralized and a
thousand other phrases to denote the place in our lives or the state of current
being. “And that is when my hair turned gray”, or “I remember what I was doing when Kennedy was
shot”. Or when the sheriff handed me the
judgment, or when the news of a friend that died or got divorced… Mile markers
on this road we travel called life. It
seems some are on the road less traveled by, the things called misery, and some
are seemingly in a state of constant construction and delayed joys.
Some are places around a corner and we are surprised when we
get there. Like a construction crew on a
mountain road clearing rocks that fell, they make you stop for a while, because
the option of an alternate route is not an option… so you wait. At times the surprises are the washed out
bridge and there is no option but to retrace your path and go around. Perhaps it is a vista that was unexpected on
the way to someplace else. Like holding the
grandchild for the first time, the wave of emotion as you look into the eyes
of another little human that was only moments ago not here… unexplainable
change. They told you she was coming,
but not how you would be altered.
Change comes, and is.
It is a state of current being and pending action. On you or by you, it is and is coming. But here is a curious thing, that you are an
agent of change to others. The card you
write. The job you do. The little act of kindness, or one not done. It is like a magnetic wave that is unseen but
for the way it affects. The tool you
didn’t put away when you were a child and your dad couldn’t find it. The act of casual indifference that ended in
an incomplete result that allowed the thing to fall out of the truck on the
last move… lots of little things, some called memories and stories. They are part and parcel to a life
lived. Some are large and we stand agape
at their telling. Others are little tales
of a shrunken soul that withered in the presence of a staggering blow. We wonder what it could be that does that to
us or who motivated the other to greatness, and will my small words be that
thing that turns the magnet, to make a little bit of difference.
The interesting part to me on this is the emphasis on change
is the result of ignoring the first part.
The part of Important. It would
not be change that is noted if it wasn’t important. Love broken is only of value, and by that
amount of, that you considered it important.
Lots of people die every day, and some tragically. But when it is your friend or family member
that mattered greatly, the loss of that one is staggering. If you like words perhaps it would “the news
was stultifying.” Numbing, simply by the
power of it… On the one hand it meant that
they meant a lot. On the other, their
absence will be like a black hole that draws all light into it.
Important is a curious thing. The items in your car, desk or pocket that
someone else will clean up when you have passed unexpectedly. How did you end up with this list
of things? Or the choices to go or not,
to do or not… and how did we come to them.
The place we live or leave. The
hundreds of choices to ponder and somehow I ended up here? There is a book by Dr. Seuss that a lot of
graduates get that I think should be given much sooner in life, called “Oh, the
places you will go”. It is a book you
should read again, to a child if you need an excuse, but read it. It is a story of a life and the journey of
it. Highs and lows, adventure and
sorrows. The point is that all of those
choices are a result of what you have determined as important. The choices may be hard or ponderous, but in
that is also the weight of the not choosing.
It is also the awareness that not choosing is actually a choice.
When you were 3 the choices are seemingly large to you, and
sometimes adults made choices for you that you didn’t like. When
you got to middle age the situations didn’t seem to have changed as much as you
had hoped. As an aged and more in-firmed
person, they revert back to the beginning, just that others are the deciders
not your parents. When you are 3 and
your mom says, “do you want red jammies or blue jammies?” you think you are
getting to choose, and you are. What you fail to realize is that the real
choice has already been made. You are
headed to bed… For some, it is a time of
wonder and snuggles and stories and looking at the glow-in-the dark stars on
the ceiling. Good and deep and warm
memories. When you are 7 you think it is
a tragedy because “the other kids in your class don’t have to go to bed now…”
because of course, staying up means you are cool and will be liked by
them. When you are 40 and still wanting
others to like you for the things you do, you might need some therapy. Perhaps
the affirmation of others, or that one, is more important than you thought?
The point is that important changes means two things. What we consider important changes. And, change is important. When we watch
others and see the signs of a midlife crisis we should be attentive to it. The sudden change of behavior or attire in
your 13 year old should be a clue… if it is important. Important is adjustable in fast ways and in
ways that take time. The sudden news of
a death adjusts your travel and schedule dramatically. Realizing the shallow and banal tripe your
friends spew is a lengthier path.
Perhaps the importance of the death reveals the shallow of the friends,
and the path to get new ones is a real journey.
But if it is important, you will change.
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