Fracking by another term… Friendship
It was a simple question. With it came an easy conversation. First one direction and then another, deeper and deeper we went. The path is known, traceable and deeper by the day. Easy in the beginning and then into harder realms, but always forward. I let the conversation take its natural course, never any more than a bit bothered by either the probing or the topic. Onward we went. Together. Deeper.
I was beginning to understand the value of the friendship. The work, to drill into the harder topics, and the rich deep history of my origins created a heat in the process that was found in the difficulty of the place we went. Well past the easy conversations. Past the light and airy topics into places I could not have found on my own. I was glad for the companionship of the work we were doing. The quote is that “the Unexamined Life is not worth living” might be the engine that drives this forward…
What came next was the unexpected. In the process to get where we are, the direction changed when we were deep, and the paths that we had explored were only the easy beginning. This step that was to come was to change things at a foundational level. You see, what came next was the pressure. It had been there before but only mild. Now it was building up. Crazy pressure. Breaking pressure. Pressure that fractured the foundations. What came out of that was a surprise. There had been the idea of a resource, but not the realization of it. The hope of it being, but not the substance. Until now.
The power of the breaking is found in the result. To have the latent and patient ideas come forth. Free at last. The fracturing of the barriers, which finally allow them to follow the path and rise to the surface, to be available and released. To be used for good. I had no idea they were there, and in such abundance. The barriers or the freedom.
It came as a surprise, as often they do… this epiphany. Like in a canoe on a meandering stream and you come around a bend to see it. The deer, the moon, the cloud… the surprise of nature. It was the same for me in this conversation. We had been simply chatting a while and all of a sudden, the question that caused the pressure and fractured the barrier I had had in place. Out came that which was trapped. Out came the story I had not been able to formulate into words. The story of the wound and the release of it. The story of the time that it had been in hiding, and the freedom of it’s coming to the surface. The curious thing is what came with it. The capacity to power things. I could now talk of the release, and the hiding, and the freedom from the fear that had kept it underground. I was free, as well, to talk of the work, the surprise, the pressure and the fracturing that was needed to let it be free.
A new power was at hand, as well. The power to be creative. Long dormant and in reserve, it came to the surface in the face of previous fear. Creativity was released into the place of previous submission and pushed it away. Free to enjoy the act of trying and of the failure of the shortcoming. To have my feeble attempts met with the strength and capability of a well-trained foe, but to engage. It is not the one on the sideline, that points out the failures to do that matters, but the one in the arena that is sweaty and dirty and beaten, that rises to try again. They are the ones that matter. That is what I became. Capable of trying. Win or lose, achieve or fall short. But willing to try. Free from the burden of your approval, your critical gaze, and your haughty contempt, I would stand. Again.
How is it that this came to be? To be fractured and yet stronger? To be under pressure and to break and that would somehow become my freedom? I had come to know the inner me. I had come to know that the only way to live is broken. To hide the good china is to live half-hearted… Bring it to the table. All of it. Find the truth that forgiveness can only be found when you have died to something. Then you are free. Die to your fears and you can forgive the hidden attempts and half efforts that were in your past. Kill the dreams that derail by not trying and you will be free to try. Show the fragile things to friends that will inspire, not deride your hopes. Tell the remaining to trundle on, they don’t care except for their own dreams anyway. Weep for this and then rise again. Ready to face the giants, with those that matter. Defend their dreams in their arena, and they will defend yours in the arena you belong in.
Remember that being fractured is a badge of honor. The idea that you were broken free from your ignorance, that it cost you, that it was a noble thing. You have the limp to prove it. Perhaps you can do some fracking on a friend… gently at first, and then when they can count that you are their defender, let the pressure build. Show them your scar. The one they didn’t know about. Honor your limp. They will thank you… later. After the tears. Bring them your honesty, and a glass of water, and a tissue.
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