That which I know

That which I know.

That which I know is important to my wellbeing.  It also requires that it be scrutinized.  That which I know is only that which I know, so that which I don’t know may be more true, I just don’t know.  That which I know is firm and solid, until that which I don’t know is revealed and accepted as a replacement, and then I grieve the death of that which I knew, but was wrong.  It is always this way; I know this to be true.

That which I know is what gives me strength, direction and courage.  That which I don’t know may bring fear, but I don’t know.  That which I subject to scrutiny may be revealed as less that I thought, and as such is required to change, and there will be the possibility of things improving, but there may be pain, with this new thing that I did not know.

Sometimes this new stuff is intentionally sought.  Sometimes life happens and is unexpected.   Things that come as a surprise and filled with sorrow and pain, will require that we learn to endure things we did not believe we could.  That may be good, but it is still painful at a level of which I did not know.  Cancer, calamity and betrayal all come with a bill that is more than we want to pay, and some don’t… at least at the time.  The bill accumulates interest until it is paid, and your counselor never tells you this.  The bill for going back to the point of the wound is one thing.  The interest due for waiting is a separate bill.  I only know, because I paid that bill as well…

There is a line spoken often at weddings, reciting the verse in the Bible that “The two will become one” as the marriage joins two people into one union.  The problem is that they never talk about the inverse of that verse, being that the “two will become one” as inevitably one will pass before the other, and become “one” again…  This is part of the things we did not know… but find out later… and then we cannot un-know.  There are many things like this, and they start early in life.  The random nature of the betrayal of friends, the promises not kept, the hopes dashed by the vagaries of life at a speed you could hardly believe possible.

Then too, my problems pale in the presence of yours, so there is that.  If I only knew, how would I behave?  Better, I can hope.  Past results would speak otherwise…  As now I am getting past my younger years, I can state truly that I have modulated my reactions to most things.  I went numb for a few years, but this is not that.  I am at ease now.  In part because I know what I know.  I also know that I will find out new things… this I know.

I know that that which I know is true, at least for now, but the process to change it is solid as well.  It may deepen in truth, which is technically a change, but I would describe it as a maturing.  I know that I cannot change you, or anyone else, so I am better for knowing that.  I also know that I can change very little of my own life, meaning my dispositions will be what they are.  My likes will be what they are, as will my dislikes.  To believe otherwise, about you or me, will produce expectations that cannot be met outside of coercion or shame.  Accountants are seldom sales people outside of selling accounting things… Sales people will talk to anyone, and Lawyers want to write things down and have you sign it… it is what it is.  Rat terriers want to dig a hole and kill something, it is what they do, it is their nature.  Don’t fight it.  If you don’t want holes in the yard, get a different dog.

A study came out about marriage and the compatibility/length of the marriage question.  The result is that “birds of a feather” types last longer and are more ”happy” than the “opposites attract” type. 

 That group is about the dopamine hit from the “dangerous rendezvous” rather than the serotonin of a comfortable companion relationship.  So, while it may be a bit more dull on the surface, it will be more enjoyable throughout the relationship.  Then your task is to inject “play and spontaneity” into the daily work.  Now you know something new.  Knowing it now obligates you to embrace or reject that… as play requires trust and perhaps that too has been degraded over a thousand cuts and time gone by.

Knowing that you are loved, and why, and through the hard times, is something that is humbling, at least it should be.  If you are not humbled you have not understood the sacrifice that your partner has made.  To become aware of this will be painful, but it should be.  Don’t take your partner lightly or they may go away, and then you will know something new.  And there will be sorrow, grief and lament.  This is as it should be, and perhaps you will be less of a jerk in your next relationship.

That which I know to be true is that I am flawed, so I know less than I wish I did.  I also know that Heaven is not earned, and so my flawed personage will need much grace, but I also know that that is what it is there for.  I also know that the people I come in contact with are, for the most part, doing the best that they can.  Where I live allows for that to be mostly true, not all places have this luxury.  I also know that evil exists, and that it can come upon you unawares, and that is different than a simply calamity.  I know to watch for that.  I also know that I can be surprised by people that I didn’t expect to be, can be more gracious and gentle and giving than some of the most “good” church goers, so I look for that as well.  

I know that a keel will help a boat stay upright in a storm, and that is the God-picture for me.  Ballast is tossed overboard when you load cargo.  Cargo is tossed out when you get to the port desired.  The keel doesn’t change, degrade or rot.  It cares not the day or place.  It is solid and heavy and withstands time and holds me upright when the winds blow.  The keel is only changed when you are in drydock, and you are going nowhere and doing nothing… unproductive and costly, drydock happens.  When your God picture is needing changed, that is the only place to do it.  When your truth structure needs adjusted, that is where things happen.  When you are confronted with the reality shift that, perhaps you are still loved after the wounding, the failure, the divorce or the embarrassing setback, you need to adjust your keel.  This I know.  This I have had to do.  This is worth the time and cost, as humility is added to the keel.  To keep you upright in the storm.  To get you to port with your cargo and companions.  To know that you are loved.  This I know.

That which I know will continue.  It will last and bring stability in our world.  That which I know, are friends.  Friends with problems and pains that are imposing on me.  It is as it should be.  That which I know is that they need pushed and prodded and called to be more.  They need held and the tears wiped away with the power of a friendship born of sorrows shared.  They have done such for me.  That which I know is that I have resisted and been timid when strength and courage was needed and should have been shown.  That courage and not timidity was called for and I did not bring my best game.  I know now.  Call that friend.  Ask hard questions.  Be insistent and boldly friendly, they will thank you, but only after they step over their own fears and face their own new knowledge that replaces their old knowledge which must be grieved as it is set aside.

That which I know is that since the beginning of the Renaissance we have been replacing the mysteries of the world with a godless set of precepts.  While I enjoy the science and the results of its discoveries, I am certain that we have lost some valuable mystical portions as well.  That which is “bigger than myself” seems to have devolved into the most amazing adolescent narcissism that can hardly be imagined.  So, that which I know is that when you don’t get your petulant and capricious demands filled in your perceived timing, that my give a damn has been broken and I don’t care.  That which I know is that as adults we ruined a generation of kids by protecting them.  We didn’t expect enough, and so here we are.

That which I know is that the cords that bind us as friends, communities, and a nation are the strings of responsibility.  When I fail to hold you accountable as a trusted friend, I have failed us both.  Perhaps I failed by not communicating clearly.  Perhaps I didn’t listen when your questions came.  Perhaps that which I know now will prevent that repeating, but then again you are as human as I.

That which I know is that as I am still around, there is growth and pain and struggles that are expected, and some are not my doing but still in my world.  That which I know is that truth spoken sooner alleviates many problems and prevents some from coming.  Then too, responsibility taken on is both respected by others, a pattern for the observers, and a value recognized by all.  Pick up the trash as you walk into the building.  I may not see you do it, but it elevates things.

That which I know is that I enjoy friends that do that.  Friends that call me to be more.  Friends that reciprocate.  Friends that are vulnerable, for that is the price of friendship.  Now you know the level of your friendships, by how vulnerable you are, and how vulnerable they are in return.  If you are not satisfied with that bit of knowledge know that you can change it.  You will be required to go first.  You will need to lead them down the path into their vulnerability by expressing your own first.  This is only different when by crisis something happens.  When that friend, and it can be a stranger you don’t know, is confronted with such a situation as that, they will go first.  Outside of that, it is yours.  You have the depth of friends you do, because of your boundaries around vulnerability.  Now you know. I did not say you would like it, just that I am your friend.

That which I know is that we are good.  You know where I stand most of the time.  I am opinionated, but willing to change that which I know.  I know that that is better than I was.  I know that you will do your own work as you feel secure.  That which I know is that creativity is born from security, so I am secure enough to try.  Failure is an option, attempting is not.  That, to try, I must do.